blame canada.

ok ok i'm sorry i have been busy i think.
yes. busy.

(some of my posts are more worldly than others and this is certainly not one of them. this is one of those for-my-mates-strictly-to-update-them-on-my-life -indulgent kind of posts. so apologies if you were expecting something about a tibetian art exhibit or sushi or our president.)

this week was tumult. i was a bit reckless. instant karma. dark alleyways. i was a bad girl.

saturday night: went to mauro's bar, purple turtle in camden. great crowd, great music, i danced my pants off and i was actually challenged to a dance off by some adorable british boys. mauro kept giving me gin and kisses and i stayed aloof and buzzed and cute. unfortunately the night ended with like a 2 hour walk home because i am mentally retarded when it comes to night buses.

monday day: mauro dumped me via interoffice email. thanks to his inconsistent syntax skills, i gained no real explanation from this correspondence and at his request, i agreed to grab a pint with him tues night after work to discuss. i was a bit shocked since we discussed what was going on with us on friday and things seemed like they were going smoothly and i thought we had an understanding. guess not. spent the day idly working and gossipping with my ladies from work who thought of many ways to painfully end his life or at least humiliate him in public.

monday night: i had made plans with this canadian boy the night before as i had not seen him in a few weeks and he's fun so i thought why not. i spent half the night tracking him down (he was drunk and kept getting moved by his friends from bar to bar) and when i finally found him, he was at sports cafe which i HATE. almost all tourists in the middle of picadilly. ew. he bought me a few jack and cokes and we had a nice time and he made me laugh and then he starts kissing me, which was cute and sweet and whatnot.

(now for most of you that know me, i don't need to explain this, but perhaps i should reiterate it nonetheless for posterity. i have dated a number of guys who NEVER understood despite the fact that i screamed it in their faces over and over, but i guess its worth a shot anyway. )

ok. i am capable of seeing/fucking/dating multiple people at one time. i don't like to push my numbers, but i fully intended on seeing canadian boy that night well before i got dumped. it wasn't rebound. it was just for kicks. on friday, i explained to mauro that even though i am an affectionate person, i keep a sense of self and fully intend on moving on with my life when it so demands. mauro seemed to get it. most people don't. how, they ask, can i possibly care so much about a person just to walk away from them? well, i don't fucking know. but i do. and its a really simple poignant beautiful thing. and i will keep doing so until i meet someone who doesn't let me go. which could happen at any moment. and then i will happily commit.

back to monday night, i was having a nice time and canadian boy and i went to leave and he grabbed me and kissed me out on the street and we were there for a bit and YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS INSTANT KARMA MY WALLET WAS STOLEN OUT OF MY PURSE AS I MADE OUT WITH A CANADIAN BOY.
awful. i spent the night at the boy's ridiculous hostel in a room with 4 beds. back in uni. my worst nightmare comes true. i stumble home at 6 am to shower before work.

tuesday day: feeling especially ambivilent, walletless, and surreal, i spent half the morning on the phone cancelling my credit cards, finding out the theives blew about 800 bucks off my cards. thank god its all refundable. i kept looking and mauro and thinking to myself, i think this is something i want to fight for this time.
tuesday night: beer garden with mauro. i was quite interested to hear what he had to say since i was bumble fucked confused. he says to me, he is looking for something more serious.










what. the fuck.

this is a boy right? i had no idea what to say. for a moment, i was speechless. not that i took him for granted, but it certainly wasn't until he wanted to end things that made me want to be with him. i talked about our organic nature and how i hate being around people i have feelings for and we're not allowed to act upon them bla bla and i told him that i have no idea what will happen and regardless of how noncommittal i am i am still driven by my feelings and my affection for people so if its worth fighting for i will and this whole time he's touching me and holding my hand and my god he looked beautiful in his beige glasses just delicious and then he was kissing me and well...

i fixed it.

then as we left the beer garden, he told me he wanted to throw me on one of the picnic tables and how somehow he didn't think i'd mind too much.

patso is italian for crazy. that's about all i know. sometimes mauro tells me he wants to talk to me in italian because he forgets he forgets and i let him even though i don't understand but really, actually, i do.



woo. ok. glad that's out of my system.